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Writing Samples
Band 5

Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The map compares two sides selected by
city
Use synonyms
 planners to build a new shopping mall for the area.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that each sides represent key features.
While
Linking Words
side
Use synonyms
 one seems to be more approachable as it allows
people
Use synonyms
 to access various landscapes and facilities. One of the main features of S1 is its location
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is situated on the southern
side
Use synonyms
 of the housing estate, making access to
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 more convenient. Another key feature is
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 can use public transport for commuting the shopping
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, on the southern
side
Use synonyms
 of
S1
Correct article usage
the S1
show examples
city
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 is located, allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to engage in shopping after performing their task in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
side
Use synonyms
 can lead to traffic congestion, particularly in rush hours,
due to
Linking Words
 its close location to
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, S2 can reduce traffic, mainly because it is far away from
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 can access
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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road on the western
side
Use synonyms
 of
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, individuals can use public transport, which is very fast and convenient and located in the eastern part of
Use synonyms
side
Check wording
the city
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
existing a
Replace the word
the existence of an
 industrial area, air pollution can reduce the
overall
Linking Words
 experience of shopping.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, in addition, overall".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city, side, people, center with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduce" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proximity
  • residential area
  • industrial zone
  • city center
  • main road
  • benefits
  • convenience
  • traffic congestion
  • accessibility
  • workers
  • compare
  • differences
  • pros and cons
  • suitable
  • analysis
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