IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently bought a laptop from an online store, but when it arrived, it had several problems. Write a letter to the customer service team of the store. In your letter: describe the issues with the laptop explain how these problems are affecting your work or daily life say what you would like the company to do about it

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express a request
a
Change preposition
for a
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refund for the broken laptop that I received yesterday. Upon opening, I noticed that the screen has
the
Correct article usage
a
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 crack on the left-right corner
because of that
Correct word choice
, and as a result,
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 some black spots are clearly visible on the screen.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the charger was not included in the box, even though it
advertised
Verb problem
was advertised
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 as included
on
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in
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 the manual. I needed
this
Linking Words
 item particularly to complete my online assignments, but the screen problem is making it difficult to track down the mistakes in writing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the unavailability of
charger
Correct article usage
a charger
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 does not allow me to use it for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 period of time. I would like to return
this
Linking Words
 purchase and request a full refund, including all the taxes. I would appreciate it if you could check the item conditions and included material before packing to make sure it reaches the customer safely. Please look into my request and refund me at your earliest convenience. Yours faithfully, Mamta.

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task response
For task response: say the problems in a more clear way. For example, say the screen is cracked in the top left corner, and say the charger was missing from the box.
task response
For task response: explain the effect on your work with one more clear detail, like how long you can use it and why this stops your study.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: check small grammar and word form errors, because they can make your ideas less easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: use simple linking words like because, so, and also to join ideas more smoothly.
task response
For task response: you answered all parts of the task. You said what was wrong, how it affects your life, and what you want the store to do.
task response
For task response: your tone is polite and right for a letter to customer service.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: each paragraph has one main idea, so the letter is easy to read.
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