IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The best way to motivate employees is to increase their salaries. Do you agree with this statement? Are there any other way to encourage employees to work more efficently?

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Introduction
Paying higher salaries to workers is the most effective method in order to encourage them. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
;
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on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 I would like to add another
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
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 to reach the goal. Of course, I believe that
employees
Use synonyms
 can be inspired by other ways as well.
Body · 1
First of all, increasing payments to workers is neccessary step to motivate them a lot.
For example
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary will give
a
Correct article usage
the
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 required confidence,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of financial safety and
employees
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 totally concentrate on hard work and contribute to
company´s
Correct article usage
the company´s
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 main goals. A higher salary will attract more proffecionals which might show
up theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 as role models and lead the team.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nowadays it is not enough
just only
Verb problem
to
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 provide
with a
Change preposition
apply
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competitive salaries,
Linking Words
moreover
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 would like to work in
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
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,
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable,
 and prospective company with
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 positive reputation in our society.
Body · 3
Although
Linking Words
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 side of the question is vital for more people, having
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
, smart and inspiring leader is
important
Correct word order
also important
show examples
also
Linking Words
. Providing timely personnel recognition based on their achievements and inputs, regular courses to improve professional
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 soft skills, adequate social support package and fair promotion program should
be
Verb problem
apply
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motivate and encourage
employees
Use synonyms
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other drawbacks.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary is the key point to have professional workers in the company, but not the only
.
Correct pronoun usage
one.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is important to have other options and tools to suggest to
employees
Use synonyms
 to get strong alignment from
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as well.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say if you agree, partly agree, or disagree, and keep this view the same in all the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example for other ways to motivate workers, such as praise, training, or a better work place.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see. Start each body paragraph with one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and in conclusion. Do not use too many linkers in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Support each point with a short reason or example. Some ideas are good, but they need more help.
task response
You answered both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give more than one way to motivate workers, not only money.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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