IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives Information about the percentage of the adult population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar graph depicts the data on financial outlay on five consumer goods -namely
cars
Use synonyms
, computers, books,
perfume
Use synonyms
 and cameras in
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2010. It is clearly seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 were the most preferred goods in the
UK
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
perfume
Use synonyms
 was the least .
Additionally
Linking Words
, the French consumers allocated most funds to
cars
Use synonyms
 and the least to
perfume
Use synonyms
. In comparison with
France
Use synonyms
, the
UK
Use synonyms
 allocated much funding to
cars
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was approximately 450,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 sterling.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of money spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 purpose accounted for 400,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
. At the same time, British consumers expended relatively more capital on purchasing books
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was over 400000
pounds
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 French readers expended about 100,000 less.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the expenditure on cameras in
France
Use synonyms
 constituted 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
, which was nearly 210,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 less than that of the
UK
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, figures illustrating outlay in computers and
perfume
Use synonyms
 by French consumers exceeded figures for the British ones. The figure for computer purchases reached around 370,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
, which was 20,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 more than the figure for the
UK
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the buyers in the
UK
Use synonyms
 spent around 125,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 on
perfume
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the data for
France
Use synonyms
 indicated 200, 000
pounds
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, perfume, france, uk, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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