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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

United states dollars The chart below shows the value of one country’s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The given chart illustrates the United States
exports
Use synonyms
 under five different sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as
Petroleum
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, Engineered goods, Agricultural, textiles, gems, and jewellery production in 2016 - 2015. The units have been measured in
billion
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dollars
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be depicted that
while
Linking Words
 the majority of the product
exports
Use synonyms
 showcased remarkable income increases in both years, gems and jewellery
exports
Use synonyms
 have decreased compared to 2015.
While
Linking Words
Petroleum
Use synonyms
 generated 60
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2015, it has significantly increased to approximately 62
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2016. Considering the engineering goods, it has
also
Linking Words
 showcased a notable rise in the income compared to 2015, marking 61
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
income
Change preposition
in income
show examples
 as almost similar to
petroleum
Use synonyms
 revenue generation in 2016. Even though textiles ranked as the lowest profit generator from
exports
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 back in 2015 with just 28
billion
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dollars
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, it has significantly risen to 31
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2016,
while
Linking Words
 agricultural export revenue remained unchanged in both years.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Petroleum
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 and engineering
productions
Check wording
products
show examples
 have secured first places as the highest export revenue generators in 2016.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words exports, petroleum, billion, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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