IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the proportion of working age adults in four countries from 1960 to 2015. Units are given in percentages.

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The provided graph illustrates the variation in the proportion of
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 population in four selected countries at three different time
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. Obviously, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 underwent a sharp increase over the whole
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of corpulent people in Finland withenesed a slight grow
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the exception of
Japan
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 remained relatively stable over the
period
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 slight variations. İn a initial
period
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was the highest
indication
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 was the least preferred. Starting with
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Finland, both countries had
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
show examples
 low
percentage
Use synonyms
 of overweight adults. In
Japan
Use synonyms
, the figure remained almost stable
rising
Punctuation problem
, rising
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 slowly from about 2% in 1980 and 1990 to around 3% in 2000.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Finland showed a gradual increase, with the
percentage
Use synonyms
 growing from 7% in 1980 to 9% in 1990, before reaching around 11% in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Australia and the
USA
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 recorded higher proportions. In
Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
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 the
percentage
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 rose markedly from 8% in 1980 to around 12% in 1990 and
then
Linking Words
 almost doubled to 22% in 2000. The
USA
Use synonyms
 had the highest level in each year, increasing significantly from 15% in 198
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to 25% in 1990, before peaking over 30% in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, percentage, usa, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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