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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

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The bar chart compares the
proportion
Use synonyms
 between males and females in Australia
according to
Linking Words
age
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 and gender participating
regular
Change preposition
in regular
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 exercise in 2010.
Overall
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, females took part in regular physical activity in most
age
Use synonyms
 groups, except the 15-24
age
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group
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.
Additionally
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, the highest
rate
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 of
women
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 was seen in the 45 to 54-year-olds,
while
Linking Words
men
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 had the highest percentage in the 15-24
age
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group
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. The
rate
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 of
men
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 doing regular activity peaked at 52.8% in the 15-24
age
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group
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,
while
Linking Words
women
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 made up 47.7%.
This
Linking Words
 male peak was not maintained in the 25-34 and 35-44
age
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 groups, where the male
proportion
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 decreased to 39.5% in middle
age
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.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the
men
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rate
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 increased gradually to approximately 47%, where the
proportion
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 between
men
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 and
women
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 quite equal.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
rate
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 of
women
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 gradually increased from the 15 to 54
age
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 groups, which top at 53.3% in the 45-54
age
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group
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.
This
Linking Words
proportion
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 was maintained in the 55-64
age
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group
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.
Then
Linking Words
, the female
rate
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 decreased slightly in the 65+ and over
age
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group
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, age, group, rate, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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