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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.

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The given bar graph illustrates the a number of duration of call communication with
phones
Check wording
phone
show examples
 modes of
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation,
 local-fixed, national and international, and
Use synonyms
mobiles
Replace the word
mobile
 lines in the United Kingdom over a
7 years
Correct word choice
7-year
show examples
period
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that local
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 fixed
line
Use synonyms
underwent
Verb problem
was
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 the most
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 in the given
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
range of time,
whereas
Linking Words
mobiles
Use synonyms
 experienced the lowest indication. Regarding
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 national and international-fixed
Use synonyms
line
Punctuation problem
line,
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 followed by
slightly
Replace the word
a slight
 increase during that
period
Use synonyms
. Looking at the major types of categories for calls, local- fixed
line
Use synonyms
 started 72 billion minutes in the initial
Use synonyms
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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that reaming same the
Correct word order
remaining the same
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 number in the ultimate
period
Use synonyms
, 2002.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
communication
Fix the agreement mistake
communications
show examples
 using local-fixed
line
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 accounted for 80
B
Use synonyms
 minutes in 1996, it experienced a
climbing up
Replace the word
rise
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1999 to 90
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 followed with felt in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2002. Regarding
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 other two types of mode , both of
two
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 happened approximately
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
 upward
trajecory
Correct your spelling
trajectory
, growing significantly. In terms of national and international
-
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 fixed
line
Use synonyms
 witnessed
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
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increased
Replace the word
increase
 from 35
B
Use synonyms
 in 1995 to 61
B
Use synonyms
 in 2002, despite
mobiles
Use synonyms
 having sharply increased to reach 45
B
Use synonyms
 in 2002. In conclusion, the vast majority of call minutes experienced in the UK were
happened for
Verb problem
made
show examples
 by lines,
namely
Punctuation problem
namely,
show examples
 local-fixed
line
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the reliance on national and
international-fixed
Correct your spelling
international fixed-line
line
Use synonyms
 and
mobiles
Use synonyms
 grew over the seven-year
period
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words mobiles, period, line, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number
  • minutes
  • telephone calls
  • UK
  • divided into
  • categories
  • from
  • to
  • overall
  • increased significantly
  • local fixed-line calls
  • accounted for
  • largest proportion
  • throughout
  • period
  • international calls
  • highest rate of growth
  • experiencing
  • sharp increase
  • national long-distance calls
  • remained relatively stable
  • slight decline
  • towards
  • end
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