IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer.

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Introduction
In today’s world,
crime
Use synonyms
 rates among young adults have arguably risen in several nations.
This
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 concerning trend may be influenced by various social factors and changing environments.
This
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 essay will examine the possible reasons for
this
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 increase and suggest effective solutions.
Body · 1
On the
one
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 hand, there are multiple compelling reasons for
this
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 dramatic surge.
First,
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Teens usually are susceptible to external influence. Friends may persuade a person to engage in harm or terribly shape
one
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's personality.
Second,
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Negligence from parents can be somewhat a contributor to
this
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. When parents do not supervise their child,
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
the child
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 may think freely and cannot distinguish right from wrong. Often resulting in poor
decision making
Correct your spelling
decision-making
.
Finally
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, bullying is a serious issue that continues to occur in many schools. Being bullied can lead
one
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 to make rash decisions, which is the cause of school mass shootings.
Body · 2
However
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,
on the other hand
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, there are a favourable number of solutions.
First,
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guidance counsellors are of great importance to schools. When students notice school issues or external factors, they should share their thoughts or feeling to a counsellor.
Second,
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supervision is an essential part of parenting. They could guide and teach morals,
such
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 as right and wrong, with wonderful parenting , and some will avoid a great
amount
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number
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 of issues in life.
Lastly
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, Social media can be harmful to a teen's mind. Influencers are sort of troublesome
,
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;
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in some instances, they might give off the wrong advice.
Also
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, content creators on the internet teach
crime
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 tactics to young adults.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are plenty of reasons for
crime
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 to occur in the youth
,
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;
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this
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 could create a serious problem in society.
However
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, strong parental guidance can help distance young people from
crime
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and solutions, but some ideas are short and need more detail.
task response
Use clearer examples to support your ideas. For example, explain how bullying can lead to crime in a more careful way.
task response
Keep your ideas focused on teenage crime. Some points are too general and do not always link clearly to crime.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easier to follow. Add one clear topic sentence, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. A few parts feel broken because of short sentence fragments.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with paragraph flow. Some sentences do not connect well to the sentence before them.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly include an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: reasons and solutions.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to see.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • teenager crime
  • bad influence
  • peer pressure
  • family care
  • clear rules
  • wrong choice
  • gang culture
  • feel accepted
  • illegal acts
  • lack of money
  • poor background
  • equal chances
  • safe activities
  • after-school programs
  • job training
  • community support
  • moral lessons
  • online violence
  • early help
  • stay on the right path
  • sense of purpose
  • turn to crime
  • prevent crime
  • solve the problem
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