IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As the cost of living rises, most people need more than one job to pay the bills. Describe the possible causes of this and suggest how the problem can be dealt with

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Introduction
The
cost of living
Correct your spelling
cost-of-living
 crisis has affected
people
Use synonyms
 from all sectors of society.
This
Linking Words
 has led to most
people
Use synonyms
 working more than one
Use synonyms
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 just to keep up with the bills.
This
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 is not only creating a strain on the
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 making
people
Use synonyms
 more stressed out in their
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 lives. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain how
this
Linking Words
 is disadvantageous to society. 
Body · 1
The
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
 has been under constant stress and variations for a very long time. Most
people
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 struggle to find
jobs
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, and when they do, they have to resort to a lower salary.
This
Linking Words
 is because
higher paying
Correct your spelling
higher-paying
 positions are internally filled and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 new talent isn't given equal access to them. Eventually, not being able to survive on a lower compensation leads young adults to get an additional source of income.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 many are forced to get two
jobs
Use synonyms
 to keep up,
this
Linking Words
 issue
also
Linking Words
 reduces the number of
jobs
Use synonyms
 in the general
market
Use synonyms
 pool for
people
Use synonyms
 who aren't fortunate
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
 even have one
job
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. 
Body · 2
The way
this
Linking Words
 issue can be dealt with
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is to create equal opportunity for
jobs
Use synonyms
 in the
market
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, an entry-level position should not have the prerequisite of having 2 years of experience.If
job
Use synonyms
 requirements are made more uniform and accessible to everyone to learn, gain experience, and train on the
job
Use synonyms
 simultaneously, it will create a healthy cycle of trained employees. Another way we can deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem on an economic level is to provide financial support to the
people
Use synonyms
 struggling with the cost of living.
For example
Linking Words
, the introduction of CentreLink in Australia has helped out many
people
Use synonyms
 struggling to make ends meet.
This
Linking Words
 device can be used more efficiently by the government.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is really unfortunate that
people
Use synonyms
 have to work twice as
harder
Correct word choice
hard
show examples
 to be able to live a comfortable life in these times, but
this
Linking Words
 issue can be efficiently mitigated by implementing government incentives and by restructuring the
job
Use synonyms
 hiring process.
This
Linking Words
 will not only create a more accessible
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 relieve
people
Use synonyms
 of their monetary stresses and
overall
Linking Words
 create a comfortable and happy society.

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task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the question, but the cause part is not strong enough. You talk more about job access and low pay, but you need to explain more clearly why living costs rise and why one job is not enough.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are clear in some parts, but some points are too general. Add one or two more clear causes, such as rent, food, fuel, or low wage growth.
task response
Task response: Your solutions are partly relevant, but they do not fully match the main problem. Better solutions could include higher pay, lower tax, rent support, or price control for basic needs.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good. The reader can follow your main direction.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links between ideas are weak. For example, the first body paragraph moves from cost of living to hiring and then to young adults. Try to keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are used, but a few are not natural or are used with wrong punctuation, such as 'Although' and commas. Use simple links like 'This is because', 'As a result', and 'To deal with this'.
task response
Task response: You clearly try to answer both causes and solutions, so the essay stays on the topic.
task response
Task response: You give examples, such as CentreLink in Australia, which helps make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, and both fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most paragraphs have one main purpose, which helps the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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