IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to cosume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is widely recognised that the excessive consumption of sugar, which is heavily present in manufactured food and
beverage
Check wording
beverages
show examples
, is a leading cause
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 global health crises,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and obesity.
Body · 1
To tackle
this
Linking Words
epidemic
Punctuation problem
epidemic,
show examples
 some argue that artificially raising the price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 is the most effective solution.
Body · 2
I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 approach, because sugar intake may negatively affect both physical and mental health.
Body · 3
Firstly
Linking Words
, supermarkets often place these items at the entrance or near the check-out counter.
This
Linking Words
 strategy encourages impulsive purchases, especially for people who struggle with self-control;
for example
Linking Words
, buying
this
Linking Words
 type of
desserts
Fix the agreement mistake
dessert
show examples
 can increase the risk of diabetes. If these
products
Use synonyms
 were sold at higher prices, consumers would be less likely to buy them frequently, which could reduce
sugar related
Correct your spelling
sugar-related
 illnesses.
Body · 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
, increasing the cost of sugary foods and drinks may create difficulties for families with
limitated
Replace the word
limited
 resources, as these families might feel pressured, leading to a
more wide
Replace the word
wider
 social compass.
Body · 5
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, governments could balance
this
Linking Words
 contrast by promoting affordable healthy alternatives, decreasing the price of goods
such
Linking Words
 as fruit and free-sugar drinks.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 increasing the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 may cause financial concerns for some groups, the
overall
Linking Words
 benefits for public health are greater; By discouraging impulse buying, society can move towards healthier lifestyles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that making sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive is a justified and effective gauge.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your view.
task response
Explain your opposite view more fully, or make it shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so each part flows well.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word form and repeat errors because they can make the line of ideas less smooth.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas mostly follow a clear order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar tax
  • health problems
  • high levels of sugar
  • eat less sugar
  • encourage people
  • buy less
  • public health
  • tooth decay
  • weight gain
  • serious illness
  • low-income families
  • daily habit
  • food labels
  • healthy choice
  • government policy
  • raise the price
  • change behavior
  • basic needs
  • long-term health
  • balanced diet
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