Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses, and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. to what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
Many people believe that individuals working in essential professions, including doctors, nurses, and teachers, should earn higher salaries than those employed in the sports and entertainment industries because of their significant contributions to
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support the disagreement with the agreement will be discussed in detail.
Body · 1
On the one hand, there are several understandable reasons to support why advocates think that professional workers should
earned
Wrong verb form
earn
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more money.
To begin
Linking Words
with, medical workers
such
Linking Words
as doctors
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
nurses are more likely to be exposed to infectious diseases.
For example
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, during 2019, the first introduction of “COVID-19”, the biggest disaster of human beings, especially the frontline workers played the most essential roles of all, treating every patients on their best,
however
Linking Words
, it is extremely risky to be infected.
For instance
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, health practitioners
are
Verb problem
play
show examples
the most crucial role in every society. There is no denying that everyone experiences health problems at
apply certain
Correct word choice
various
show examples
stages of life, and medical professionals are responsible for treating and caring for those who are unwell.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people argue that other talents are
also
Linking Words
significant in all
civilization
Fix the agreement mistake
civilisations
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some celebrities in recreation and famous athletes have huge fan groups, which create significant market demand. It can
also
Linking Words
promote economic development, so these contributions can not be ignored.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the importance of exercise and amusement can not be denied.
For example
Linking Words
, when faced with a lot of pressure or stress, joining some sports or
concert
Correct article usage
a concert
show examples
I
Change preposition
in
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order to release their fatigue and let them come back to work with full
apply
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
energy.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
celebrities can promote economic development and inspire people spririts, those complex jobs can contribute more to advancing human association, so it is worth it for them to receive wages.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph.
task response
Explain your examples more. Show how each example supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
task response
Your conclusion should match your opinion in the introduction.
task response
Avoid ideas that are too general. Give direct reasons about pay and social value.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples like COVID-19 and sports to support ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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