Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Violence

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on television and in computer

games

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has been a long-discussed topic for its potential harmful effects on the community.I partially agree with

this

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view, as there are several factors that explain how violent content can

influence

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behaviour,

although

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their impact is relatively limited.

This

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essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. On the one hand, there are several compelling

reasons

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why

this

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does not

influence

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violence

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First,

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awareness is essential, which helps one know the potential dangers one may face.

For example

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, news talking about the surge of crime in London,

this

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helped prevent injuries and robberies by a small percentage,

due to

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public awareness.

Second,

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computer

games

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may contain violent imagery, but

this

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causes no harm to people.

For instance

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, in a recent study, ninety

percent

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per cent

show examples

of people who play violent

games

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do not experience harmful thoughts.

Finally

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, Upbringing is another major contributor to a person's character. Numerous individuals learn values at a young age,

due to

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a peer

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apply

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or a parent , which helps people move away from

violence

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However

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on the other hand

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, there are a couple of

reasons

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for the

influence

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of violent behaviour.

Violence

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is being normalised in the gaming community. Gang affiliation has increased over time,

due to

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games

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normalising

this

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show examples

For instance

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, there is a game which allows a person to choose a criminal group to affiliate with.

Second,

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on live television, celebrities usually normalise criminal activities

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;

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some celebrities are often affiliated with criminals. The youth is easily influenced, which caused an involvement in a criminal organisation. In conclusion, there are a favourable number of

reasons

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this

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does not lead to

violence

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, but the other

reasons

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should be considered.

Furthermore

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, in my opinion, the

influence

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violence

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should not be considered since there are few.

Jordan_yaqoub

May 31, 2026

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task response

Give a clearer answer all through the essay. You say you partly agree, but the end says the influence should not be considered. This change makes your view hard to follow.

task response

Make each main idea stronger with a clear reason and a better example. Some examples are too general or not fully explained.

task response

Stay close to the question. The part about news and public awareness is not fully linked to violence on TV and games causing violent behaviour.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can see your main point at once.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, and some jumps between ideas are sudden.

coherence and cohesion

Check sentence joining and punctuation. There are many comma problems, and this makes parts of the essay hard to read.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear essay shape with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.

task response

You try to discuss both sides before giving your view, which helps answer the task.

coherence and cohesion

Some linking words are used well, such as 'On the one hand', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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