IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that employers should ensure a supportive and pleasant work environment where each employee is respected and valued equally while other think employers should focus instead on providing better facilities and equipment. What is your opinion?

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Some argue that a pleasant and supportive
environment
Use synonyms
 provided by employers
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
 that
workers
Use synonyms
 are respected and there is no discrimination in the workplace, whilst others contend that they should rather invest and focus on better facilities and equipment. In my opinion, creating a safe workspace where employees are valued equally is significant as it ensures high
productivity
Use synonyms
 and improves mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 should focus on implementing policies and ensuring the workplace for everyone is anti-discriminatory and friendly to
all
Punctuation problem
all,
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 improves mental wellbeing.
This
Linking Words
 means that individuals can perform well when they are valued and respected,
our
Correct word choice
and our
show examples
 performance improves when we are appreciated for the job because the
environment
Use synonyms
 matters. Studies have indicated that
companies
Use synonyms
 that provide
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 and have anti-bullying policies, the employees working there perform better and do not leave their jobs
comparatively
Rephrase
compared
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 to those
companies
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 only invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 updating their facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, creating
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
show examples
 and anti-discriminatory
environment
Use synonyms
 for
workers
Use synonyms
 improves their mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
, which directly benefits
companies
Use synonyms
 and owners.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
supportive
Correct article usage
a supportive
show examples
 and safe workspace increases the
productivity
Use synonyms
 of the
workers
Use synonyms
 as they build
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of attachment and ownership towards the company. When
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 employer values each and every
employees
Fix the agreement mistake
employee
show examples
 for their work, they start building
connection
Correct article usage
a connection
show examples
 for the company, which means that they are willing to work hard for the company and are productive. Unlike
companies
Use synonyms
 where the
environment
Use synonyms
 is toxic,
workers
Use synonyms
always
Verb problem
are always
show examples
 unsatisfied and are trying to leave, which means no amount of updated
equipments
Check wording
equipment
show examples
 and services will help.
This
Linking Words
 clearly demonstrates that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 worksafe increase the
productivity
Use synonyms
. Taking everything into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account, I strongly believe that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and supportive workplace increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity
Use synonyms
 and improves the mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
 of
workers
Use synonyms
, which
also
Linking Words
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 employers in
long-run
Correct determiner usage
the long run
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You explain why a good work place matters, but you do not really discuss why some people want better tools and space.
task response
Add one short example that is real or clear. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Your main view is clear, but some ideas repeat. Try to give one new reason in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. Still, some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Make them shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly', but a few parts need smoother links between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step. This will make your writing easier to read.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
You answer the question and stay on the topic all the way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan with introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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