IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should spend more money on public services rather than wasting it on arts. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely acknowledged that public funds are a major contributor
of
Change preposition
to
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society
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society's
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 development.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that the government ought to spend more
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
 in public services rather than
art
Use synonyms
 projects, I firmly disagree that
countless
Correct article usage
the countless
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effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 made by
an artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 to provide a better world
cannot
Rephrase
can
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 be ignored by the government
and
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, and
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 everyone has a responsibility to support them.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that
art
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 plays a crucial role in preserving the common
values
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 of a country
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such
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, such
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 as culture
,
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and
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 language.
This
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 is because when an artist creates an artwork, they bring together all the pieces of the culture's shared
values
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, which helps to maintain the language and the cultural essentials.
For instance
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,
U.K.
Correct article usage
the U.K.
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 and France have made
a
Correct article usage
an
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 enormous effort supporting public artists and musicians to create shared
values
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 for their countries.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, any
art
Use synonyms
 form makes a meaningful contribution to society.
Furthermore
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, another reason to justify my stance is that a significant number of tourists travel around the world to see distinguished examples of artworks.
As a result
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, the economic benefits of artworks are
primary
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the primary
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 forces that drive economic growth.
For example
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,
British
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the British
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museum
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Museum
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 and
Louvre
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the Louvre
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 are milestones for their countries, attracting an enormous number of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 each year and significantly boosting the economy.
This
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 clearly demonstrates that there is a significant opportunity in investing in
art
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some people think public services always remain a better way to support society, I firmly maintain that
art
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 creates a more meaningful impact in maintaining shared
values
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while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 generating significant economic returns.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. Say directly why you do not agree.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why art should get public money, and explain it step by step.
task response
Your examples are good, but make them more exact and link them more clearly to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use easier linking words and make sure each paragraph has one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long. Cut them into two shorter parts to make your meaning easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph more direct.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You use relevant examples like the British Museum and the Louvre.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order from culture to money.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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