IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph illustrates precentages of features
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
used by
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
 owners.
Overall
Linking Words
, people who were searching on the
intrenet
Correct your spelling
internet
 and others who were recording videos had a similar result in
thr
Correct your spelling
the
first
Use synonyms
 period. Others who made calls had the highest
users
Check wording
usage
show examples
 throughout the whole period.
First
Use synonyms
 of all, making calls were the highest users from 2006 to 2008 with 100%.
Then
Linking Words
, by 2010, it was lower by 1%. In the
first
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
,
take
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 phone groubed for 66%,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
, it had a slight increase to 71%. In the
last
Linking Words
 period, it was higher by 5%. People who sent and receive massages record for 73%, after
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
, they
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 slightly to 75%. By 2010, they were higher by 4%. Playing games feature accounted for 17% in 2006
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 next
year
Use synonyms
, it rose significantly to 42%. After
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
, it was
lower slightly
Correct word order
slightly lower
show examples
 by 1%. By 2006, searching
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet showed no
date
Use the right word
data
show examples
, after
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
, it recorded 41%, in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, it had a dramatic rise to 73%.
Also
Linking Words
,
Playing
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 music feature started with 12%, after
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
, it was greater by 6%. By 2010, it was higher with 26%. Recording videos represented no date
in the
Change preposition
at
show examples
first
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
, after
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
, it showed 9%.
Last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, it was dramatically higher by 24%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words first, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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