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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050.

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The bar chart compares the proportion of the total
world
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population
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 by four different
countries
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 in 1950, 2002 and a future prediction in 2050.
Overall
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,
China
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 had the
most
Correct word choice
highest
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 percentage of
people
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 in 1950 and 2002 compared to the other
countries
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 had the least share of the global sum in all three years. Meanwhile,
India
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 was the sole country to have a trend of increased
population
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Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 the others gradually decreased across periods. In 1950,
China
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 accounted for 22.5% of the
world
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population
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 wheras
Japan
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 contained almost 5% of
people
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 on Earth.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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India
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 represented 15% of the
world
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 provided almost 6% to 7% of the entire
population
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. Later on, in 2002,
China
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 dropped to 20% of the human
population
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. In
additon
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addition
,
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had 5%
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Japan
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 contributed above 3.5% of the
world
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.
India
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 increased to 17% of humans living on the globe.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2050,
China
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 is predicted to have 15% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 number of
people
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 in the
world
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. Meanwhile, the
USA
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's
population
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 is speculated to be stable with no changes
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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Japan
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 will suffer a loss and provide 1% for the
population
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 in the
world
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
India
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 will have 18% of
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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 in the
world
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.
India
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 and
China
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 were the dominant
countries
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 for the entire Earth's
population
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. Meanwhile
USA
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 and
Japan
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 held less
people
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 than the other two
countries
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.
India
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 gained
population
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 throughout the years despite the rest of the 3
countries
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 being reduced.
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USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
 had a smaller change
while
Linking Words
Japan
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 and
China
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 faced a larger gap between 2002 and 2050.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words world, population, countries, china, people, japan, india, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • percentage
  • total world population
  • countries
  • 1950
  • 2003
  • projections
  • 2050
  • comparison
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • stable
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