IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

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It is often argued that it is more advantages to choose a
job
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 with high
salary
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 wages even if it
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
 appeal to you all. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that
job
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satisfaction
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 is much more important than a handsome
salary
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. First of all i believe that
job
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satisfaction
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 gives people
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
. Because no
moeney
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money
 can
guarentee
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guarantee
. Even if someone is earning
high
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a high
show examples
salary
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, but feels tensed all the time.
This
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 person
wont
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won't
 enjoy his entire life.
While
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 pursuing one's interest always
bring
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brings
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 pleasure and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of
satisfaction
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.
For example
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. many scientist is the world made their own career choice not just because of appealing wages , but because they are passionate about science and technology.
Thats
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That's
 why it is more important to choose a
job
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 that makes you happy and satisfied.
Secondly
Linking Words
, doing what keeps you motivated and
therefore
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 leads to
a
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apply
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rapid career growth. That means there is a strong relationship between
job
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satisfaction
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 and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in the
filed
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field
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 of career and achieve better results.
For instance
Linking Words
, Henry Miller decided to leave
hisv
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his
 everyday hectic
job
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 despite of gopd wages and ventured to become a writer. After so many ups and downs in his life , he became
the
Correct article usage
a
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 famous writer and well paid author in tweentith century.
Thus
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,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of
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job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 keep you satisfied outweigh the
drawback
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drawbacks
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 of a low
salary
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 in long term perspective. In conclusin i strongly believe that
satisfaction
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 of
job
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 is more beneficial than
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
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,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 it
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 people happy and satisfied.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. Your main view is clear, but some ideas are too short.
task response
Explain each main point with one more clear reason or result.
task response
Use examples with full detail so the reader can see why they fit your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea and develop it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Link sentences more smoothly. Do not stop ideas with very short broken sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
You use two main body paragraphs, so the essay has a clear basic plan.
task response
You include examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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