IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? p

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It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose
a
Correct article usage
an
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 activity with a high wage even if it doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion and think that
career
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 satisfaction is much more important than income. First of all, I believe that
career
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 comfort gives people a sense of fulfilment that no money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning a high pay, but feels tense and compromises with their conscience,
this
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 person won't enjoy their life. Pursuing one's interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of satisfaction.
For example
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, a lot of famous researchers made their
career
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 choices not because of appealing wages, but because they were passionate about science. That's why it is more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high
payroll
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salary
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.
Secondly
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, doing what you like keeps you motivated and
therefore
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 leads to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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career
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 growth.
In other words
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, there is a strong relationship between position satisfaction and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who put salary in the first place.
For instance
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, Henry Miller decided to leave his everyday post despite a good wage and ventured to become a writer. And after enduring years of ups and downs, he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century.
Thus
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, the advantages of jobs that keep you satisfied outweigh the drawbacks of a low stipend in the long-term perspective.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that appointment gratification is more beneficial than a high salary because it makes people happy and motivated.

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task response
Make your main idea a bit more direct in each body part.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more close to real work life.
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Add one short line about the other side to make your answer feel more full.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly so each part flows in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word choice, because some phrases sound odd and can make the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph and end it with a short final point.
task response
Your answer is complete and clearly shows your opinion from start to end.
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Your main ideas are clear and easy to follow.
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You use examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like First of all, Secondly, For example, and To conclude well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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