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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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In the modern era, as technology continues to develop, numerous of playthings have spread in a wide range, worldwide. There is no doubt
,
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that
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 they play a
main
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major
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 role in child development. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both
advantages
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the advantages
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 and disadvantages of them. Actually, toys enhance childrens' initial
creativities
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creativity
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, they lead to
release
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the release
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their
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of their
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 pure universes. They are the best tools for supporting young people's mental health, especially in the 0–3 age range.
However
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, I firmly disagree with providing them with a large number of items. There are several causes for
this
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.
Initially
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, supplying juvenal with plenty of games seems to me a waste of money. They are rarely long-lasting,
it
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which
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 means they
brake
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break
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 easily.
In particular
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, in
this
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 era,
majority
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the majority
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 of minors tend to use things in an aggressive way. Respectively, parents should set
a
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apply
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limits on games.
Youngs
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Young people
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 perceive these limitations as
restriction
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restrictions
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 on their personal choices. In the future, they can develop into mature
person
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people
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. To be more specific, parents should avoid raising their
children
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 in a way that makes them always do whatever their
children
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 want. From my point of view, it should lead to irreversible outcomes. Even so, the roots of child narcissism begin from these indiscernible details.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe
,
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that
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 families should be aware of almost everything about their
children
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. Undoubtedly,
this
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 does not mean that they should be deprived.
Children
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 are our future, and we should protect them
and
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, and
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 protection starts at home.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly: good points and bad points of many toys.
task response
Add one clear example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow with simple topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
task response
Explain how each point helps or harms the child, not only the parents.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You give more than one main idea about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your opinion is clear in most parts of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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