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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. = Outline Year Population 1800 79,216 1900 3,437,202 2000 8,009,185 Manhattan Year Population As percentage (%) of total population 1800 60,515 76% 1900 1,850,093 54% 2000 1,538,096 19% Year Other districts (Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) Population As percentage (%) of total population 1800 18,701 24% 1900 1,587,109 46% 2000 6,471,089 81%

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The first table
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 between 1800 and 2000. The other two tables show the changes that happened to the
amount of people
Correct word order
percentage of people
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens,
Staten
Correct word choice
and Staten
show examples
 Island in the same time period.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
show examples
, in general New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 has dramatically increased over the
years
Use synonyms
 in all five
district
Fix the agreement mistake
districts
show examples
. The
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of residents living in Manhattan has decreased over the Period,
while
Linking Words
 the other four areas experienced
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant Increase in
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
. New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 experienced
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 its
population
Use synonyms
 in
1800
Punctuation problem
1800,
show examples
 it was 79,216
Punctuation problem
. Then,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 the
city
Use synonyms
 expanded
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 more
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 more residents were living there reching 3,437,202
humans
Check wording
people
show examples
 living in New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 in 1900. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 the
city
Use synonyms
 reached its peak point at 8,009, 185 residents in all five districts in the 2000s. Manhatten
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 had experienced a considerable decline in its
percentage
Use synonyms
 of its
population
Use synonyms
 in the year 1800
the perce
Punctuation problem
. The percentage
show examples
 was at its peak point at 76% over the next ten
Use synonyms
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 it
has
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
dropped to 54% and reached its lowest point at 19% in the 2000s. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the other four districts experienced
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dramatic increase
of its
Fix the agreement mistake
in their
show examples
 average
population
Use synonyms
 rate in the 1800 its
percentage
Use synonyms
 was at 24%
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 jumped significantly to 24% over the next
ten
Correct word choice
ten-year
show examples
years
Use synonyms
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 that reached 46%percent. Over the
Use synonyms
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 the
populatin
Correct your spelling
population
 rate has increased even higher in these areas to 81% in the 2000s

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, percentage, york, city, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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