IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, there is a widespread belief that working weekdays should be reduced so that
people
Use synonyms
 would have longer weekends. I partially agree with the statement
as
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, as
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 in our busy world
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people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 spend a lion's share of their lives working
,
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;
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Linking Words
however
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however,
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 for some
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professions
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professions,
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 it is extremely necessary to constantly be ready for unexpected situations and significant missions. On the one hand, having longer holidays would have a positive impact on
people
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’s both physical and emotional
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
. Constantly working may lead to
having
Verb problem
apply
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considerable health issues,
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therefore
Correct word choice
apply
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people
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 should spend more time resting.
However
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, most individuals do not have enough free time from work to relax, so they burn out both physically and mentally.
On the other hand
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, particular
professions
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 which have to take action quickly are always needed in case of an emergency.
For instance
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, doctors have to work 24 hours a day to be able to save patients whenever
he needs
Fix the agreement mistake
they need
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 it, as
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 organism is unpredictable and no one knows what will happen to them during the following hours.
Therefore
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, doctors are too valuable to live without them even for a day.
This
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 situation involves not only doctors, but
also
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 police officers, firefighters and other
professions
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 which ensure human health and safety. In my opinion, having longer weekends would definitely provide benefits for society
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such
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, such
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 as improving the
overall
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 health of
people
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. But it would
also
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 bring potential drawbacks which cannot be overlooked, so everything should remain as it is now.
To sum up
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, working less would improve
people
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's
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
 in a number of ways.
However
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, some essential
professions
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 require longer working hours to ensure safety in the world.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but your reason can be more direct and more steady in all parts.
task response
Add one more clear example for the good side of a shorter week, not only for doctors and other key jobs.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more. Some points are good, but they stop too soon and need one more step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. The essay is easy to follow, but some joins between ideas can be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main idea and develop it in a balanced way.
coherence and cohesion
Check reference words and small grammar choices because they can make meaning less clear, for example 'whenever he needs it'.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Your essay answers both sides of the topic and gives your own view.
task response
The example about doctors, police, and firefighters is relevant and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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