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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by range for the years 1990 and 2010.

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The bar chart illustrates the
proportion
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 of five age groups of
people
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 from the UK who donate to
charity
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 in 1990 and 2010.
Overall
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, the British spent the most of their
money
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 on
charity
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was
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apply
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in 1990 compared to that in 2010. The highest
proportion
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 of
donation
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donations
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 was for those between 36 and 50 in 1990, as opposed to those who were between 51 and 65 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, in both years 1990 and 2010, the lowest percentage of
money
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 given to
charity
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 was given by those between 18 and 25.
People
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 in the UK whose ages are between 18 and 25 spent much more
money
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 in voulntering work in 1990 than in 2010 (about 25% and 5% respectively).
Similarly
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, in 1990, those between 26 and 35 paid just above 30% comapred to the
proportion
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 at under 25% at the same stage.
Moreover
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, the British (36 to 50) reached the peak of more than 40% in 1990,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010 they were exactly 35%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of donations of
money
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 in the remaining groups was higher in 2010. about 40% was spent on a
charity
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 from the UK s'
people
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, between 51-65 wheras in 1990 it was just 35%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those above 65 paid out exactly 35% on poor
people
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 in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 slightly under the same
proportion
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 in 1990.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, people, charity, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charity = help for people in need
  • percentage = part out of one hundred
  • age group = people of the same age range
  • give money = donate
  • rose = went up
  • fell = went down
  • highest = biggest
  • lowest = smallest
  • peak = highest point
  • by contrast = in a different way
  • overall = in general
  • more likely = had a higher chance
  • younger people = people with lower age
  • older people = people with higher age
  • the figure for = the number/percentage for
  • reach a peak = get to the highest point
  • decline = go down slowly
  • increase = go up
  • compared with = looked at next to
  • in both years = in 1990 and 2010
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