IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Precentage of electricity production by fuel sources in france between 1990 and 2010

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The pie charts compare the proportions of electricity generated from five different fuel
sources
Use synonyms
 in France in 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase, the opposite trend was observed for the other four energy
sources
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, hydro
power
Use synonyms
 accounted for the smallest share of electricity production in both years. Focusing on the increase
first,
Linking Words
the percentage of electricity generated from nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 rose dramatically. It stood at 17% in 1990 before climbing sharply to 67% in 2010.
By contrast
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, the remaining
sources
Use synonyms
 all witnessed declines. The proportion of hydro
power
Use synonyms
 fell from 6% to just 2% over the period.
Likewise
Linking Words
, coal and natural gas decreased from 28% and 22% to 13%
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 2010. Natural gas
also
Linking Words
 experienced the most substantial fall among these
sources
Use synonyms
, dropping from 28% in 1990 to only 4% in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figure for oil stood at 22% in 1990 before declining to 13% in 2010.

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task response
Task response: Check your data more carefully. You say coal and natural gas both fell to 13%, but then you say natural gas fell to 4%. This makes the report unclear.
task response
Task response: Cover all key features in a fully correct way. Your overview is good, but one wrong number can lower the score.
task response
Task response: Use comparisons more clearly, for example say which source was second highest in each year.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your report has a clear paragraph plan: intro, overview, rise, and fall. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Be careful with linking words like 'likewise' and 'also'. They are fine, but too many can sound heavy. Keep them simple.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: In the last body paragraph, the order of ideas is a little confusing because the numbers for coal and natural gas are mixed. Group each fuel with its correct figure.
task response
Task response: You describe the main trend well: nuclear went up a lot, while the other sources went down.
task response
Task response: You include key data from both years, which supports your points.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay is easy to read and the main ideas are in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your overview is clear and it comes early, which is good for Task 1.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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