IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days, many young people do not spend their weekends and holidays doing outdoor activities such as hiking or mountaineering. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to spend more time in the natural environment

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The argument over how people
this
Linking Words
 day became increasingly lazy and prefer spending their freetime in the home
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
 and other indoor activities. In
this
Linking Words
 essay will dive deeply into
this
Linking Words
 problem and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to find some way to encourage individuals to enjoy their
luxurtime
Correct your spelling
luxury time
 in
the natural
Replace the word
nature
.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question. Say why young people do not go outside, and say how to help them go more.
task response
Give clear main ideas. Each sentence should add one point about the topic.
task response
Add one or two simple examples, like cost, phones, games, school work, or group trips.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear start, middle, and end. Now you only have a start.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, but, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Make one full sentence first, then the next idea.
task response
You clearly introduce the topic of young people staying at home.
task response
You try to say both the problem and the solution in the opening.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a basic essay opening.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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