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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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With temperatures reaching an all-time high in many
countries
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, some ministers are preferring to have longer
summer
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 holidays that
last
Linking Words
 for more than two months at a time. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 many specialists are debating
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 longer
summer
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 holidays are doing more harm than good to the
children
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's learning outcomes. In one hand, it is found in a study done by Oxford University, where they tracked primary and secondary students of different
countries
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 and measured their learning outcomes
at the end
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 of each school year, that
children
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 in
countries
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 who have longer
summer
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 breaks, often more than not, learn more during the school year. Dr John Smith stated that "
Children
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 in
countries
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 close schools for more than two months in
summer
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 are more developed than
children
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 from
countries
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 that have shorter
summer
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 breaks".
This
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 is
due to
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 the struggles
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 anxiety and the prolonged exam seasons that hinder these students' mental capacity to learn even more.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 development specialist Tom Felming argues that
children
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 who have shorter
summer
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 breaks, mainly in early elementary level, forget some of the basics they learned in school, like writing some words or reading some phrases.
That is
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 made even worse if they did not practice some of these skills during the holiday, since it's a detrimental stage in the learning development of these
children
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. In summary, both short and long holidays have advantages and disadvantages on
children
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's learning progress, and whether it is better to have either, specialists said, depends on the age group and the learning stage these
children
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 are currently in.

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task response
Answer both questions more clearly. Write one clear part about the value of long holidays and one clear part about the reasons for shorter holidays.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some parts are not fully explained. Add why long holidays help children and why short holidays help learning.
task response
Use examples carefully. Your examples sound strong, but they need more support and clear link to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more naturally. For example, use 'On the one hand' not 'In one hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point and explain it step by step.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic, so the reader can see a balanced view.
task response
You gave specific ideas about stress, exams, and forgetting basic skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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