Many developing countries require aid from international organizations to develop. Many people think that this aid should be financial, while others think that practical aid and advice are more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many people think that international
organizations
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organisations
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should support developing countries financially only.
However
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, others may think that the support for that part of the world should be technical and practical. In my opinion, they should be supported both by money and advice.
This
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essay will examine those two
prespectives
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perspectives
. On one hand, those who
belive
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believe
that the role of the global
organizations
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organisations
show examples
is limited to financial
aid
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, may
belive
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believe
that those
contries
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countries
have the complete right to decide how to spend
this
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money. They are assuming that people there are able to determine which sectors in those countries need
this
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financial support.
Due to
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the fact that they are not familiar with the nature and culture of
such
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communities, it is difficult for organisations from outside to provide plans for them.
For example
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, they may not be able to decide
wich
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which
part of the country is
the
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apply
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ideal to establish a university because of the lack of understanding of the mentality of that
comunity
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community
, so their financial
aid
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is more than enough. On the
ather
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other
hand, people who are more towards the practical
aid
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of help to the developing countries, have their own ideas and reasons. Their belief is based on the idea that teaching someone how to catch a fish is better than feeding him.
For
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this
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reason
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reason,
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they agree that those
comunities
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communities
can depend on themselves
,
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apply
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if they are trained well and provided with practical plans. So
that
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apply
show examples
, they are against the financial
aid
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siince
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since
those
govrnments
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governments
received the technical
aid
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of
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on
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how to invest in their
availabe
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available
resources. In conclusion, I
belive
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believe
that developing
counties
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countries
show examples
should be provided with both
kind
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kinds
show examples
of help. For the fact that practical
experince
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experience
without a sufficient budget would not make any difference in that part of the world.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task in a full way. You discuss both views and give your opinion, but your opinion needs a bit more support.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some ideas are good, but a few lines are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your points. You give one example, but it could be more direct and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some joining words are used, but a few are not natural, such as 'For this reason' and 'So that' in those places.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay focused on one main point. A few sentences are long and a little confusing, so the reader may lose the main idea.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and you give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay plan with an opening and an ending.
task response
The topic stays mostly on developing countries and aid, so your ideas are relevant.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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