IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‏Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so ‏medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the ‏advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages.

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Some individuals believe that healthcare should be run by
Use synonyms
non-profitable
Correct word choice
non-profit
show examples
 companies because good health is crucial for every person. In my opinion, there are more advantages of
this
Linking Words
 development than the disadvantages because private
hospitals
Use synonyms
 are expensive
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 poor families cannot afford.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, private
hospitals
Use synonyms
 are often costly
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 low-income families cannot afford.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
hospitals
Use synonyms
 offer free
of cost
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
treatment to their patients.
This
Linking Words
 allows healthcare to become accessible to everyone
irrespective
Punctuation problem
, irrespective
show examples
 of their financial or cultural backgrounds.
As a result
Linking Words
, the spread of diseases
decline
Correct subject-verb agreement
declines,
show examples
 and people become
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
healthier in the country. The
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
healthier the population in a country, the
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 the
economical
Replace the word
economic
 burden on the
government
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 has to spend less money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the prevention and treatment of many contagious diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as polio.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
Use synonyms
non-profitable
Correct word choice
non-profit
show examples
hospitals
Use synonyms
 fail to provide quality treatment to their patients compared to other private
hospitals
Use synonyms
. Profit-making companies have more qualified staff
as well as
Linking Words
 other facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as advanced medical
equipments
Check wording
equipment
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
government
Use synonyms
hospitals
Use synonyms
 in Pakistan have rude staff and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of cleanliness and proper hygiene.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 can make efforts to improve the standard of
Use synonyms
non-profitable
Correct word choice
non-profit
show examples
hospitals
Use synonyms
 so that low-income families can benefit from these services. To sum it up, there are more advantages of
Use synonyms
non-profitable
Correct word choice
non-profit
show examples
 companies than the disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 is because healthcare is the right of every citizen, and it should be free of cost for people who can't afford expensive
hospitals
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why private healthcare has good points and bad points, then show more clearly why one side is stronger.
task response
Use ideas that match your opinion all the way. In body 1, you move from private healthcare to government hospitals, so the focus becomes unclear.
task response
Add one more clear example or detail for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are good, but 'On the other hand' is not always the best choice here because it can confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow and grammar so your meaning is easy to follow. A few errors make some lines less smooth.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which is important for this essay type.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples like Pakistan and polio to support your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equitable access
  • medical care
  • financial status
  • non-profit services
  • efficiency
  • quality of services
  • competition
  • funding
  • treatment times
  • cutting-edge technologies
  • cost considerations
  • unaffordable
  • health inequalities
  • innovation
  • research and development
  • medical technology
  • treatment methods
  • patient-centered care
  • personalized care
  • customer-oriented care
  • patient experience
  • regulation
  • oversight
  • cost barriers
  • non-profitable patients
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