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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value for long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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There is no denying the fact that
holidays
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 are a good thing for
students
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, and for that , most of the schools close for two months or more during the summer
holidays
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits of long
school
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holidays
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 and what are the arguments
in less
Change preposition
for fewer
show examples
holidays
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 than two months.
To begin
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 with, there are many advantages to long
holidays
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.
Firstly
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,
students
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 will be very exhausted from
school
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, so they will need long
holidays
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 to recover.
In other words
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, they have taken the final exams and a lot of first-- and second-term exams and did a lot of projects, so their mental
health
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apply
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and
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
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physical health for that will be exhausted.
In addition
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, most of the
students
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 want to travel if they are on holiday and go to their friends.
For example
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, those activities will take much time, and they should rest their minds, so they might want to go to a foreign country or do some activity near that. In terms of why people claim that
school
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holidays
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 are too long, they claim that long
holidays
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 could have negative effects on the
students
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that they might lose their
school
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's information and do not have a firm intention to study and make an effort.
Moreover
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, long
holidays
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 could be too much for the enlistment.
For instance
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, they do not have to take that long of a time since all they do is study and go to
school
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; all of
that is
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 a mental effort, and there is no physical power for that; they should have fewer
holidays
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 since they could recover much
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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. In conclusion, there are many pros
about
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to
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 taking a long holiday for
students
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 for their effort , and they might want to do activities they could not do when they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 studying. It is
also
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 true that it might have some negative effects on their firm intention to study and their
school
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's

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about long holidays and short holidays, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start with one main point, then explain it, then give one simple example.
task response
Give more direct and relevant examples. Some examples are too general and not very clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas flow more clearly. Some sentences are hard to follow, so the reader may get lost.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like first, also, however, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea. Build each paragraph around one clear point.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like firstly, in addition, moreover, and in conclusion.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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