IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that young people are unfit for holding significant positions in the government, while others maintain that it is beneficial for them to occupy such roles. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It
undeniable
Verb problem
is undeniable
show examples
 that young
people
Use synonyms
 have the ability to
work
Use synonyms
 in any
Use synonyms
role
Punctuation problem
role,
show examples
 especially if it
related
Verb problem
is related
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sensitive positions.
Although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 are fit to
work
Use synonyms
 with
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, there is
also
Linking Words
 a
contrast
Replace the word
contrasting
 viewpoint on
this
Linking Words
 matter. From my perspective, I firmly believe that positions related to
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 anybody can fill the
role
Use synonyms
 if the required
skills
Use synonyms
 are met.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
fresh
Rephrase
freshly
show examples
 graduated employees may not have the needed soft
skills
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 hard
skills
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, if they are close to critical positions will not handle the
work
Use synonyms
 as it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
should be
due to
Linking Words
 less experience.
For example
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
for example,
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a book
mention
Correct subject-verb agreement
mentions that
show examples
 any person
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 at least 5 years to be
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 an
experience
Replace the word
experienced
 employee.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they required extra training to be familiar with
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 environment.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 the best choice for
govrenanse
Correct your spelling
governance
 roles. Another key argument,
people
Use synonyms
 with family member already fit
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 in
sensitive
Correct article usage
a sensitive
show examples
role
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 some experiance are there. It can
also
Linking Words
argue
Wrong verb form
be argued
show examples
 that
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with little background can improve
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 faster than unfamiliar ones.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is a great doctor and his son
became
Correct word order
also became
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a doctor
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 son
totally can reached
Correct word order
can totally reach
show examples
 his father and ask him about that situation faster
which
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a
hole
Use the right word
whole
show examples
 course about specifac thing.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 with government roles
due to
Linking Words
 the previous
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 can grow faster. In conclusion, as a majority of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
youngst
Correct your spelling
young people
 are not the best fit. I
convinced
Verb problem
am convinced
show examples
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 that person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 even
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 background and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 will be good for the required position.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why some people do not want young people in top government jobs, and why others support them.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Main ideas need more support. Add simple and real examples, and explain them more.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: intro, one body part for side one, one body part for side two, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, however, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make shorter sentences and keep one main idea in each sentence.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to give examples to support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • significant positions
  • government
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • political landscapes
  • decision-making
  • maturity
  • emotional reactions
  • resilience
  • fresh perspectives
  • innovative ideas
  • transformative
  • energy
  • creativity
  • demographics
  • representation
  • technological savviness
  • modernizing
  • efficiency
  • public services
  • invaluable
  • diverse mix
  • progressive governance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: