IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people find advertisement amusing or annoying and they are not influenced by this when they shop. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals think that
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 are amusing or annoying
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are not influenced by
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 when shopping in real life. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
many
Punctuation problem
. Much
show examples
 false information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 being spread through these
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 just to grab the attention of the buyer. With our modern-day society and the spread of avertisements in television, billboards, and in
malls
Punctuation problem
malls,
show examples
 many
agencys
Correct your spelling
agencies
 are scamming their customers through these promotions. Some of these marketing
agencys
Correct your spelling
agencies
 do all their best just to grab the attention of buyers, even if it means adding fake
inforamtion
Correct your spelling
information
 about a
product
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 or a discount.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
people
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 claim
,
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apply
show examples
 that the quality and the appearance of a
product
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not look the same as it did
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
advertisement
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 they saw.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 stopped buying and trusting any commercial
advertisement
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 they see.
Also
Linking Words
, many
people
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 argue that they are not influenced by these ads when they shop,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 find it annoying.
Todays
Correct your spelling
Today
, even when shopping at a
supermarket
Punctuation problem
supermarket,
show examples
 you may find an
advertisement
Use synonyms
 poster
in
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on
show examples
 every corner
each
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, each
show examples
 one with a different
product
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. Many members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society find it disturbing and annoying. They claim that they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 get influenced by them anymore
and
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, and
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 becoming a marketing strategy at
this
Linking Words
 point, where they are putting
an
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apply
show examples
effort
of
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into
show examples
 the posters rather than improving the
product
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 itself.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that these advertising
agencys
Correct your spelling
agencies
 must stop at
this
Linking Words
 point. Many of them are spending a huge amount of money
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the marketing
campinghan
Correct your spelling
campaign
, paying famous
people
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 to
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product
Verb problem
promote
show examples
 their
product
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 actually needs to be improved
not
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, not
show examples
 a marketing
campinghan
Correct your spelling
campaign
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 these
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advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 are not realistic and
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 false information about the
product
Use synonyms
 to catch consumers' attention. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that
people
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 should be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these advertisements and not get influenced by them. Sometimes, all they care about is making money rather than actually selling a
product
Use synonyms
 that's useful.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say not only that ads are false, but also why some people may still be moved by them.
task response
Give one or two real and clear examples, like food ads, phone ads, or sale posters.
task response
Explain your main idea more. Some points are repeated, so add new support instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main point only.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Most ideas are about the topic, so the essay stays relevant.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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