IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

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It is true that sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 are being consumed by more and more
people
Use synonyms
 today.
This
Linking Words
 can be attributed to several factors, which
calls
Correct subject-verb agreement
call
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 for possible solutions to be adopted. There are several explanations as to why more
people
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 drink sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
. One possibility is that soft-drink companies heavily promote their
product
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products
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 in order to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption. In fact, when
people
Use synonyms
constantly
Verb problem
are constantly
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 exposed to marketing videos on media or billboards, they are more likely to be tempted to buy
such
Linking Words
drinks
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. Another point worth mentioning is that the modern lifestyle
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
this
Linking Words
 trend.
This
Linking Words
 is
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 several busy workers nowadays are faced with a demanding workload,
there by
Correct your spelling
thereby
 choosing energy
drinks
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 to stay awake and boost their energy instantly. Various
measure
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measures
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,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, can be implemented to address these
issue
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issues
show examples
. The first possible solution is that goverment should impose restrictions on advertising
coke
Fix capitalization
Coke
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 or other sugary beverages to decrease the consumption of these unhealthy products.
For example
Linking Words
, banning
such
Linking Words
 commercials during prime-time on television can reduce the public's exposure to these unhealthy products and
thus
Linking Words
prevents
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevent
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people
Use synonyms
 from impulse buying. The second approach is that companies can take measures to reformulate their
drinks
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 with less sugar.
For instance
Linking Words
, zero-sugar
coke
Fix capitalization
Coke
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 helps customers decrease sugar intake.
While
Linking Words
 many reasons can be given to explain the increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
people
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 consuming sugar-based
drinks
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,
step
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steps
show examples
 can be taken to improve the situation.

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task response
For task response, answer both questions in a more full way. You give reasons and solutions, but each point needs a little more detail.
task response
For task response, make your ideas clearer. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes.
task response
For task response, use more direct and specific examples. Your examples are relevant, but they are still quite general.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part structure: intro, reasons, solutions, conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel too long or broken.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each main point is fully explained before moving to the next one.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
You have clear main ideas about ads and busy life, and also about limits on ads and less sugar in drinks.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
What to do next:
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