IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In Many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world, traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
replaced by fast
food
Use synonyms
 in many areas. It causes problems
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both families and societies. Decreasing local
food
Use synonyms
 could lead to health issues
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
disappears tradition of the country
Correct word order
would disappear the country's tradition
show examples
.   On the one hand, eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 every day can
provide
Verb problem
lead
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 to medical issues, especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
to the
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals’
physics
Check wording
physical health
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.  Ingesting many chemical
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food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 would be harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people’s
kidney
Fix the agreement mistake
kidneys
show examples
.
For decreasing
Wrong verb form
To decrease
show examples
this
Linking Words
, limiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 is the best reason. In China,
for example
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
limited to
Wrong verb form
limits
show examples
society eating
Replace the word
society's consumption of
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 to having fewer diseases by health issues among country.   Another significant problem caused by the decline of traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is the loss of
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 of the area. Traditional dishes are an important part of a country because they are often passed down from one generation to another.
However
Linking Words
, as more people choose fast
food
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 because of its cheaper and
tasty
Replace the word
tastier
, local
reciepes
Correct your spelling
recipes
 and cooking methods are keeping themselves at peak level.
As a result
Linking Words
, younger generations may
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 their feelings  
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their nation's culinary traditions, leading to a decreasing of cultural
food
Use synonyms
 resources
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the future.   In conclusion, I believe that replacing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional meal to junk
food
Use synonyms
 can damage individuals’ social life and their health. If people would consume by
norm
Punctuation problem
norm,
show examples
 everything would be fine.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first part and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear idea about families, because the question asks about both families and society.
task response
Use examples that are easy to understand and more specific. The China example is not very clear now.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, such as first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main position is mostly clear: fast food has bad effects.
task response
You include two main problems: health and loss of culture.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • nutritional value
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart diseases
  • family mealtime traditions
  • local economies
  • carbon footprint
  • culinary skills
  • homogenization
  • globalization
  • convenient
  • accessible meals
  • traditional cuisine
  • fast-paced lifestyle
What to do next:
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