IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? for better job achievement, Is it always good to work hard?

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In study and
Use synonyms
job
Add a comma
job,
show examples
 some individuals try harder than others.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first discuss how
people
Use synonyms
 who
is working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 harder might get better
achievement
Check wording
achievements
show examples
 and get
promotion
Check wording
promotions
show examples
 than those who don’t
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 suggest that working hard day and night won’t be always good because a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 might burn out during that process. One factor that keeps
people
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 working hard is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 achievements he or she might get in the future. If employees receive
award
Correct article usage
an award
show examples
 or just
complements
Use the right word
compliments
show examples
 from their co-workers or supervisors, they feel that their effort
got
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 recognised and feel rewarded.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 will have
motivation
Correct article usage
the motivation
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 to move forward even more than before. Advancement in position
also
Linking Words
 boosts them to
hardwork
Replace the word
work hard
. If workers feel unrecognised and invisible
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, despite working so hard, they will look for another
job
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. I do not think it is feasible to
work
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 hard endlessly because
people
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 need
take
Verb problem
to take
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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 from
work
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 and just relax. In today’s past-faced
world
Add a comma
world,
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 it is hard to survive without working hard all the
time
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.
Nevertheless
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, it is essential to balance
work
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 and life,
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otherwise
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
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 might get emotionally flat. An example of
this
Linking Words
 is workers in high-paid
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 have to
work
Use synonyms
 hard to maintain their
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 without free
time
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 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might get
exhaustion
Replace the word
exhausted
 from it and end up quitting their
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, professional accomplishments can be a driving force that keeps
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 diligently.
However
Linking Words
,
demostrating
Correct your spelling
demonstrating
 dedication
at all the
Correct word order
to work at all times
show examples
time
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 for
work
Use synonyms
 is an impossible idea that might get
people
Use synonyms
 physically and mentally exhausted.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why people work hard and why too much work is not good, but each part needs a little more depth.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your point more easily.
task response
Support your ideas with more specific examples. Your example about high-paid jobs is relevant, but it is still general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences are connected, but a few parts feel sudden or unclear.
task response
Develop each paragraph in a more balanced way. One or two extra supporting sentences would make your argument stronger.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The main message is easy to understand: hard work can help success, but too much work can cause burnout.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'furthermore', 'nevertheless', 'as a result', and 'however'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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