IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that universities should offer places to young students with high marks. Other believe that people of all ages and with low grades should be allowed to study. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It has been an issue of debate whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational institutions offer admission to young
students
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who got higher
marks
Use synonyms
 or give admission to pupils of all age groups with low grades.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument. Some people believe that courses studied in institutes are more difficult and that a teacher has studied all topics in depth with the
students
Use synonyms
. So, if they gave admission to those
students
Use synonyms
 who scored
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
marks
Use synonyms
 in their previous study,
then
Linking Words
 it's difficult for them to pass the exam.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if they failed,
then
Linking Words
 they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 include them in some criminal activity.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the college should give entry to young
students
Use synonyms
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
who performed very well in their school. On the opposite side, some people claim that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 getting a good tertiary education from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reputed institute is the right of the individual and it does not depend upon the age and grades that they score in their schools.
Secondly
Linking Words
, an institute can not judge the ability of any student on the basis of the
marks
Use synonyms
 they scored and
also
Linking Words
 give entry to those
students
Use synonyms
 who scored
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
marks
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if pupils of the nation are
literate
Punctuation problem
literate,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it's beneficial not only for the individual, but
also
Linking Words
 important for the nation too. Education is important for the growth of everyone in all age groups, but in order to pass the university exam and survive in
this
Linking Words
 competitive era. Most of the high achievers take the opportunities available at the university
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, graduates with fewer
marks
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be given opportunities and should not be demotivated so that they improve themselves.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but your opinion at the end is not fully clear and strong.
task response
Give one clear opinion in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion.
task response
Use more clear reasons and one simple example for each side.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order. One main idea for each paragraph is better.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words like 'first', 'however', 'for example', and 'in conclusion' in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter and more direct.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs for each side.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • competitive environment
  • high achievers
  • inclusive education
  • diverse perspectives
  • equal opportunities
  • innovative ideas
  • personal development
  • societal growth
  • strict criterion
  • well-rounded education
  • motivates younger generations
  • learning experience
  • academic performance
  • right to higher education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: