IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, traditions and customs are disappearing. What are the reasons? What should schools and parents do to keeping our traditions alive?

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Several nations are moving towards modernisation. There are several reason behinds it, among which, I think, globalisation and digitalisation are the main causes, and
schools
Use synonyms
 should make complusory program or subject of culture, and at-home
parents
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 should teach about history .
Firstly
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, the global advertise play vitol role in modifying people's beliefs and the news circulating in the market with high- frequency algoritham cause fadeing traditions and
customs
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.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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 current people are more attracted to others and imitating it
,
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;
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additionally
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, new styles updated on social media from one corner are being telecast on each individual's social media account.
As a result
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 of people attracting on trending fashions, local markets
also
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 started to make it a core business for earning high profits.
For example
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, in one of the fashion shows, a new clothing design is displayed, which gets high popularity,
then
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 that fashion gets more demand and business man started to invest in it for earning purposes. For these reasons, it is vanishing day by day.
Secondly
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,
schools
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 and
parents
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 are playing a crucial role
on
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in
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 protecting tradition and
customs
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. School can organizedtraditons programs based on time for playground pupils and compulsory subjects for adult students, in which they can discuss history, culture and so on.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 always teach about basic culture and should make it alive in each generation.
For instance
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, most of the
schools
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 celebrate
topi
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 diwas in Nepal, on January 1, which is known as the international new year, in nepali calander,
topi
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 diwas is celebrated.
While
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schools
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 provide notice to each parent to provide a Dhaka
Topi
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(Nepali
topi
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), children
also
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 feel happy to carry it and ask their
parents
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 why and how types of questions. Doing
such
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 activities might protect tradition and custom. In conclusion, many nations traditons and
customs
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 are fading. Open market and social media play a main role,
while
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 parenting and schooling can help them to be loyal towards their own tradition and
customs
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the reasons well, but the school and parent part needs more clear ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and clearer main ideas in each paragraph. Some lines are hard to follow because many ideas are in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Add better linking words between ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'because', and 'for example'.
task response
Give one more clear example for what parents can do at home.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used an example about Nepal, which helps support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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