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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph demonstrates the difference in the average monthly change of
three
Use synonyms
 different
metals
Use synonyms
 throughout the
months
Use synonyms
 of 2014.
While
Linking Words
 the
prices
Use synonyms
 peaked at the beginning of the
year
Use synonyms
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 following
months
Use synonyms
 they started declining gradually. After that,
prices
Use synonyms
 began
slightly
Verb problem
to increase slightly
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
. The line graph charts each of the
three
Use synonyms
metals
Use synonyms
 across the
months
Use synonyms
 of 2014. The
overall
Linking Words
 diagram
initially
Linking Words
 illustrates a downwards trajectory; after the first six
months
Use synonyms
passed
Verb problem
had passed
show examples
, the trend started to increase marginally until December. Starting with nickel, which
initially
Linking Words
 peaked in price,
then
Linking Words
 dramatically declined until the month of June. After that, nickel
prices
Use synonyms
 started increasing again until the end of the
year
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, comes copper, which had the
second-greatest
Correct word choice
second-highest
show examples
prices
Use synonyms
 after nickel in January. It was slightly decreasing until the month of June,
then
Linking Words
 it rose
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
until the end of the
year
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, zinc started with the lowest
prices
Use synonyms
 but didn't decrease in January, but increased
instead
Linking Words
, and
then
Linking Words
 in February it started declining until June to rise up again to peak among all
three
Use synonyms
metals
Use synonyms
 in November and December. Among all
three
Use synonyms
metals
Use synonyms
, all plateaued in
prices
Use synonyms
 from July to September, following that a slight dip in
prices
Use synonyms
 in October to escalate again in November and December. All
three
Use synonyms
 started the
year
Use synonyms
 with a dramatic decrease in
prices
Use synonyms
, following that an increase in the second half of the
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words three, metals, months, prices, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • volatile
  • stability
  • peak
  • trough
  • increment
  • decrement
  • steady
  • gradual
  • sharp
  • increase
  • decrease
  • month-on-month
  • average monthly change
  • commodity
  • benchmark
  • trend
  • precipitous
  • plateau
  • significant
  • marginal
  • surge
  • dip
  • plummet
  • soar
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