IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places, money earned from tourism has become an important part of the national economy. What are the advantages and disadvantages of relying on tourism as a major source of national revenue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays,
it is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a growing number of people argue about whether solely
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
 on
tourism
Use synonyms
 can stimulate national revenue in
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
 or it can pose a serious impact in the future. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those,
tourism
Use synonyms
 has been widely contribute on national economy in many countries and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a positive impact on them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will attempt
for demonstrating
Wrong verb form
to demonstrate
show examples
 both
disadvantages
Correct determiner usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 case substantially. One of the major positive aspects related to
this
Linking Words
 matter is the economic benefit it provides,
in particular
Linking Words
 citizens are much benefited from the
tourism
Use synonyms
. If some tourist spots gain popularity on social media or influential reviews, it would increase the number of
visitation
Replace the word
visitors
 to some countries. Visitors will spend a substantial amount of money on accommodation, food, and
local
Correct article usage
a local
show examples
 guide, which will scale up the regional income and create
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
 in the host country. Taking an example in the Raja Ampat, which is located in the western part of Indonesia. Residents benefit from the high visitation from domestic and international tourists,
due to
Linking Words
 many informative reviews related to the beauty of its scenery and coastline.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon offered more chances for residents to be employed and created creative
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it brings out the positive impacts for regional people, it has its downsides at the same time. The major concerns
that
Verb problem
are that
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
vulnerable
Verb problem
is vulnerable
show examples
 to crisis and climate change, particularly for regions
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have coastline topology. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, visitors who come to Indonesia's popular destinations has declined significantly during Covid-19 period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the temperature rise reduced
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 interest to take vacation to those places because it is too hot to enjoy.
This
Linking Words
 can possibly
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to loss
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 permanent income and the number of jobless will surge in the near future.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 industry is not able to ensure
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the long-term. To recapitulate, it is evident that
tourism
Use synonyms
 should be
ragarded
Correct your spelling
regarded
 as the main source of national revenue.
Nevetheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
,
due to
Linking Words
 its vulnerability on crisis and climate change, it should not be
solely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the primary source. Having considered both thoroughly, I come to believe the disadvantages
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. The good side is clear, but the bad side needs a bit more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, such as first, also, however, and as a result.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more. Some points are good, but they need one more step of support.
task response
Keep your position fully clear from start to end.
task response
You answered the question and talked about both advantages and disadvantages.
task response
You gave a real example about Raja Ampat, and it helps your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Economic diversification
  • Tourist influx
  • Hospitality sector
  • Eco-tourism
  • Cultural commodification
  • Environmental degradation
  • Revenue stream
  • Cultural heritage
  • Service industry
  • Economic stimulus
  • Market volatility
  • Gentrification
  • Carrying capacity
  • Cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: