IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In the modern
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
 soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 and energy
drinks
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 popular among many individuals.
Linking Words
this cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
This causes
show examples
 the
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption percentage
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
subject
Add a comma
subject,
show examples
 we're going to discuss the side effects of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption. For many individuals in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent days
drinking
Punctuation problem
, drinking
show examples
 soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a large amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 very
normal
Punctuation problem
normal,
show examples
 not being aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the effects
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 a small
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
public
Check wording
people
show examples
 who take care of
well-being
Correct pronoun usage
their well-being
show examples
 are very informed
abut
Correct your spelling
about
 the downsides of consuming these
drinks
Use synonyms
.
and
Capitalize the word
And
show examples
 all the
balme
Correct your spelling
blame
 should goes for the company that already made
this
Linking Words
drink
Use synonyms
. We have to make our society aware of how
dangreios
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Verb problem
are.
show examples
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 the
solutoin
Correct your spelling
solution
 is to
drink
Use synonyms
 less and less
by the
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 time goes by and inform many
people
Use synonyms
 of how bad these
drink
Use synonyms
 is. For the
conclusion
Punctuation problem
conclusion,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 of our
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
drink
Use synonyms
 and consume a large
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 thinking it's normal.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 the
end
Punctuation problem
end,
show examples
 from my own prespictive i belivie that many
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware of how dangerous these
drinks
Use synonyms
 is for most times it could be addictive
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we
to
Verb problem
need to
show examples
 overcome it
by the
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 time passes by.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more clearly: why people drink these drinks, and how to help them drink less.
task response
Add 2 or 3 clear reasons, like taste, low price, ads, and easy to buy.
task response
Add real examples, for example school rules, tax, or health ads on TV.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part about one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like First, Also, Because, So, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and make ideas connect in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
The essay stays on the main topic of sugar drinks.
task response
You try to give a solution and your own view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
What to do next:
Look at other essays: