IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In these
Change preposition
These
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days
Punctuation problem
days,
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people
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 so hard
for
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to
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 support at least their general expenses
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rent, consumption, phone bills, and utilities. All these expenses
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 highly
cost
Replace the word
costly
 nowadays because our economic that affected by
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 demands. That
the
Verb problem
is the
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 reason why
people
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 will not pay
attention
Correct word order
apply
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much on
hobbies
Use synonyms
 or activities because they need more money to afford all expenses. According
that
Change preposition
to these
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 reasons, they
are effect
Verb problem
affect
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 both the individual and
in
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apply
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society
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, the effect
in
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on
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 the
individual
Check wording
individual's
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 views of
no
Verb problem
having no
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hobbies
Use synonyms
 is physical health. Of course, it will
be affected
Verb problem
affect
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 you
in
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apply
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directly
way
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apply
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. When you
work
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 for the whole week, you should get some rest with some exercise activities
such
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 as hiking, playing badminton, or football. To maintain your
stay healthy
Replace the word
health
, and
also
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strench
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 your muscle for ready to
work
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 without
painful
Replace the word
pain
while
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 you are working.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 affeted to you mental health. When you have free
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 you should arrange sometime for do
hobbies
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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 support your mental to not
over stressful
Verb problem
be overly stressed
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.
For instance
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, arts, listening
music
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to music
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 or
podcast
Check wording
podcasts
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, and gaming. These
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
also
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 support your
protential
Correct your spelling
potential
 and creativity.
Secondly
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 there are increasing of stressful from
work
Use synonyms
, and a lot
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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ignore
Verb problem
fail
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 to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
 their
stress
Use synonyms
so
Correct word choice
apply
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, it causes of
suicide
Use synonyms
. We can see the news regarding
suicide
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 a lot
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, and the cause is from
work
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 place
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 expences cost. Some
hobbies
Use synonyms
 likes cummunity, charities, and golf
club
Check wording
clubs
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 may give you a chance to meet different
people
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, it should be help you to
det
Correct your spelling
develop
 different ideas to solve a problem to reduce
stress
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 that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
suicide
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, physical violence when
people
Use synonyms
work
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 to
stress
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 from
work
Use synonyms
 place or
shchool
Correct your spelling
school
, they may randomly hit someone on the street, or someone in their family.
Hence
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, all overviews are about the
stress
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 that
people
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not
how
Verb problem
know how
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 to relief
then
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 it leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual and
society
Replace the word
societal
 issues
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 In my opinion, I think
hobbies
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 will
relief
Replace the word
relieve
 those
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from
stress
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or facing some issue in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, and can reduce mental and
health
Correct word choice
physical health
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 issues,
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also
Correct word choice
as well as
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suicide
Use synonyms
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
,
Use synonyms
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance is important for everyone. Even
student
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students
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,
employer
Check wording
employers
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,
employee
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employees
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, and
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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. Giving
sometime
Replace the word
some time
 for your
hobbis
Correct your spelling
hobbies
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 would
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 help you to stay healthy and positive to live in
this
Linking Words
 cruel world.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why people have less time for hobbies, and then say the effects on people and on society with clear support.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like First, Also, For example, and In conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is there, but make it clear from the start and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
You answered the topic and gave reasons about money, work, stress, and health.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs for the main body and an ending.
task response
You used examples like sport, art, music, and clubs to support your ideas.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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