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Band 6.5

the bar graph below shows the percentage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular ohysical activity in 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, an dmake comparisons where relevant.

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The bar graph illustrates the fraction of Australian Citizens ( both male and female) of 6
age
Use synonyms
 groups engaged in
workout
Check wording
workouts
show examples
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that
women
Use synonyms
 participated more in physical activities in comparison to
men
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the highest proportion that accounted for
men
Use synonyms
 belonged to the
age
Use synonyms
 group
f
Correct your spelling
of
 15-24,
whereas
Linking Words
 for
women
Use synonyms
 it was 45- 54.
To begin
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that 52.8 % of
men
Use synonyms
 were active during the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15-
25
Punctuation problem
25,
show examples
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 accounted for only 47.7%. From here on, the trend changes and
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
 involvement increased from 48.9% to 52.5% in the subsequent
age
Use synonyms
 group and peaked in the ages of 45-54 at 53.3%.For
Use synonyms
men
Add a comma
men,
show examples
 a steady decline can be observed for ages 25 to 34 at 42.2% and for 35-44 at 39.5%.
Middle
Correct article usage
The Middle
show examples
ages
Capitalize the proper name
Ages
show examples
 come as
turning
Correct article usage
a turning
show examples
 point for
men
Use synonyms
, with an incline of 43.1% for
45
Check wording
those aged 45
show examples
 to 54. A steady upward trend can be observed for older males,
while
Linking Words
 for older
women
Use synonyms
 and steady decline can be comprehended .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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