IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar charts illustrate the proportions of employees in 3 devided section in
Germany
Use synonyms
, Usa,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and China between 1980 and 2010.Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there was a steady rise is emplyement level in
Use synonyms
germany
Capitalize the proper name
Germany
show examples
 in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, in the year
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 the
germany
Use synonyms
 has the highest rank,
coupled with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
the
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
japan
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
in the
Change preposition
at
show examples
 nearly the same rate as
the
Correct your spelling
Germany
germany
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart provided,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 China has dominated in agriculture with about 65 per
cent
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the
germany
Use synonyms
 has the lowest with only around 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can be seen that the
Usa
Capitalize the proper name
USA
show examples
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 have
slightly
Rephrase
approximately
show examples
 the same proportions
approximately
Punctuation problem
, approximately
show examples
 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Another point that
worth
Verb problem
is worth
show examples
to consider
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 is that,in the year
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
Germany
germany
Use synonyms
 had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion
Punctuation problem
, whike
show examples
whike the
Correct your spelling
while
 China had the highest
about
Punctuation problem
, about
show examples
 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the
japan
Use synonyms
 and the
Usa is
Correct subject-verb agreement
USA are
show examples
 relatively the same with only
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
 difference.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, japan, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • sector
  • distribution
  • dominance
  • decline
  • significant changes
  • employment
  • patterns
  • trends
  • global
  • compare
  • highlight
  • examine
  • identify
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