IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The line graphs show the
number
Use synonyms
 of
works
Check wording
workers
show examples
 in 4
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020. 
Overall
Linking Words
, there were three sectors that started in 1960 with the numbers below 10
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, which were retail,
agriculture
Use synonyms
, and
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 manufacturing began at the highest amount of jobs, 15
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
. In 2020, the manufacturing, retail,
agriculture
Use synonyms
, and
healthcare
Use synonyms
ended
Check wording
sectors ended
show examples
 with the
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of 13
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, 16
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, and 16
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, respectively. Between 1960 and 1980, the manufacturing, retail, and 
healthcare
Use synonyms
rose
Check wording
sectors rose
show examples
 gently to 20
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, 10
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
, and 5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of working
relevant
Check wording
people relevant
show examples
 to 
agriculture
Use synonyms
 declined to approximately 3
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
. During
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
 years after 1980, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 remain steadily.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the 
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and retail
increased
Check wording
sectors increased
show examples
 continuously.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of manufacturing decreased to 17
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
. From 2000 to 2020, the
number
Use synonyms
 of manufacturing
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 from 17
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
 to 16
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
, as same as the
number
Use synonyms
 of
agruculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 reduced from 3
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 to 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of  retail and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 had met at the point of 16
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, millions, agriculture, healthcare with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: