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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

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The line chart illustrates the
number
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 of
jobs
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 in four different
sectors
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 in the US
economy
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 between 1960 and 2020, and over 60 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
number
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 of job
sectors
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 that spent 15
million
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 on Healthcare in the US
frugality
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apply
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.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
jobs
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 spent 3% on the Retail
sector
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 was the lowest in the US
economy
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 in the given year. In terms of
jobs
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, the
number
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 of
jobs
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 spent 15
million
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 on manufacturing in 1960, but
,
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by
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 1980 manufacturing level had increased to 20
million
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 in the US
economy
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.
figure
Capitalize the word
Figure
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 for retail
sectors
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 in 1960, it was 6
million
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, but
surprisingly
Punctuation problem
surprisingly,
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 it increased
10
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to 10
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million
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 in the US
economy
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 in 1980. From 1980 to 2020, the manufacturing
sector
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 weirdly decreased, from 20
million
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 to 13
million
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. But the retail
sector
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rise
Wrong verb form
rose
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 10
million
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 to 16
million
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, it was a big 6
million
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 increase in the given year in the US
economy
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. Regarding the remaining
sector
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, the figure for the agriculture
sectors
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, it was 5
million
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 in 1960, but
this
Linking Words
sector
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also
Linking Words
 decreased in the 19s to 20s in the US
economy
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.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 1980, agriculture
also
Linking Words
 decreased
3
Change preposition
by 3
show examples
million
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 from 5
million
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, and from 1980 to 2020 agriculture
sector
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 went down
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 by 1
million
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. Figure for the Healthcare
sector
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. In 1960, the
number
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 of
jobs
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 spent 3
million
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 on healthcare, but
this
Linking Words
sector
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 is increasing day by day; it was 5
million
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 in 1980,
also
Linking Words
 rise 12
million
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 in 2000, and
finally
Linking Words
 increased to 16
million
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increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in 2020 in the US
economy
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, jobs, sectors, economy, million, sector with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sector
  • economy
  • trend
  • implication
  • workforce
  • significantly
  • contrast
  • speculate
  • influence
  • reflection
  • demand
  • challenges
  • implications
  • findings
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