The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The line chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
of
jobs
Use synonyms
in four different
sectors
Use synonyms
in the US
economy
Use synonyms
between 1960 and 2020, and over 60 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
number
Use synonyms
of job
sectors
Use synonyms
that spent 15
million
Use synonyms
on Healthcare in the US
frugality
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
the
number
Use synonyms
of
jobs
Use synonyms
spent 3% on the Retail
sector
Use synonyms
was the lowest in the US
economy
Use synonyms
in the given year. In terms of
jobs
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
of
jobs
Use synonyms
spent 15
million
Use synonyms
on manufacturing in 1960, but
,
Change preposition
by
show examples
1980 manufacturing level had increased to 20
million
Use synonyms
in the US
economy
Use synonyms
.
figure
Capitalize the word
Figure
show examples
for retail
sectors
Use synonyms
in 1960, it was 6
million
Use synonyms
, but
surprisingly
Punctuation problem
surprisingly,
show examples
it increased
10
Change preposition
to 10
show examples
million
Use synonyms
in the US
economy
Use synonyms
in 1980. From 1980 to 2020, the manufacturing
sector
Use synonyms
weirdly decreased, from 20
million
Use synonyms
to 13
million
Use synonyms
. But the retail
sector
Use synonyms
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
10
million
Use synonyms
to 16
million
Use synonyms
, it was a big 6
million
Use synonyms
increase in the given year in the US
economy
Use synonyms
. Regarding the remaining
sector
Use synonyms
, the figure for the agriculture
sectors
Use synonyms
, it was 5
million
Use synonyms
in 1960, but
this
Linking Words
sector
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
decreased in the 19s to 20s in the US
economy
Use synonyms
.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
1980, agriculture
also
Linking Words
decreased
3
Change preposition
by 3
show examples
million
Use synonyms
from 5
million
Use synonyms
, and from 1980 to 2020 agriculture
sector
Use synonyms
went down
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
by 1
million
Use synonyms
. Figure for the Healthcare
sector
Use synonyms
. In 1960, the
number
Use synonyms
of
jobs
Use synonyms
spent 3
million
Use synonyms
on healthcare, but
this
Linking Words
sector
Use synonyms
is increasing day by day; it was 5
million
Use synonyms
in 1980,
also
Linking Words
rise 12
million
Use synonyms
in 2000, and
finally
Linking Words
increased to 16
million
Use synonyms
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in 2020 in the US
economy
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, jobs, sectors, economy, million, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sector
  • economy
  • trend
  • implication
  • workforce
  • significantly
  • contrast
  • speculate
  • influence
  • reflection
  • demand
  • challenges
  • implications
  • findings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: