IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced ones. Why do you think this happens? Should the government support local film makers financially?

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People enjoy watching
films
Use synonyms
 produced in other countries over locally produced ones. I believe the main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that
films
Use synonyms
 made locally have a
significant
Rephrase
significantly
show examples
 lower
production
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 value
as well as
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 lower
quality
Use synonyms
 actors compared to
films
Use synonyms
 made in other countries. The first step to overcome
this
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 issue is to increase the budget of the local film industry
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 way to achieve
this
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 is
Use synonyms
government
Change preposition
through government
show examples
support
Use synonyms
. There are a few reasons why people prefer foreign
films
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 like the ones made in the US
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of the main reasons is
quality
Use synonyms
. In many conutries the film industry is still underdeveloped,
while
Linking Words
 some
films
Use synonyms
 made locally may catch the attention of a few viewers, with an interesting narrative or an
unqiue
Correct your spelling
unique
 use of
filmatography
Correct your spelling
cinematography
, the
overall
Linking Words
quality
Use synonyms
 of the
films
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 made locally
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still lower compared to countries that
specialize
Change the spelling
specialise
show examples
 in movie
production
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.
One
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 of the best ways to improve
this
Linking Words
 issue is
the
Change preposition
through the
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 of the
government
Use synonyms
. By investing in the improvement of movie
production
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, with new cameras and new schools for writers and actors, locally produced
films
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 may not only attract the attention of locals but
also
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 foreigners. The problems that arise from the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 investing in
Use synonyms
films
Check wording
film
show examples
production
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be addressed as well. With the help of the goverment the cinema industry may experience improvement,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 is not a guarantee and
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also will
Correct word order
it will also
show examples
 take considerable time and
reasources
Correct your spelling
resources
 to achieve. The
government
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 may suffer losses in the beginning and waste money that could have been better spent on fixing other
issues more crucial
Correct word order
more crucial issues
show examples
. I believe the best way for the
government
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 to
support
Use synonyms
 the growth of local
film makers
Correct your spelling
film-makers
 is to start and advertise fundraisers with a direct goal of supporting local
Use synonyms
films makers
Correct your spelling
films-makers
 and actors. To
conculde
Correct your spelling
conclude
, generally people prefer
foreigns
Replace the word
foreign
films
Use synonyms
 over local
films
Use synonyms
. I believe there are many reasons as to why that could be the case, with the main
one
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 being the difference in
quality
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. To overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue, the best way is for the
government
Use synonyms
 to either directly
support
Use synonyms
 local
Use synonyms
films makers
Correct your spelling
films-makers
, or begin fundraising
compaigns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 with the same goal.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain why people like foreign films, but your view on government help needs a clearer and stronger answer.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they stop too soon.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some sentences are too long, so the flow becomes weak.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your ideas in one line in each paragraph. In paragraph two, many ideas are joined together and this makes it harder to follow.
task response
You clearly state your main reason: local films often have lower quality.
task response
You give a clear opinion that government support can help local film makers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your position.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is logical: reason first, then support and limits.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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