IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
work
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 in
one
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organisations
Fix the agreement mistake
organisation
show examples
 is better than
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 different places to
work
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.
However
Linking Words
, from my perspective,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for different organisations has more benefits than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment in
one
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company
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 for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some
people
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 think that long-term occupation in
one
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 organisation has
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 advantage.
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Work
Wrong verb form
Working
show examples
 in the same organisation during the entire working life makes
you
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 easier to climb the career ladder. If you
work
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 in
one
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 organisation, you need to deepen your knowledge in
this
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 sphere, which
also
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 helps you to build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong relationships with the supervisors in
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
. It will increase your chances to go up
by
Correct determiner usage
the
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 career ladder rapidly,
while
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 with
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 occupations it will be harder,
due to
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 the different
work
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 environment and
personal
Use the right word
personnel
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, different
work
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 environments help the person to improve
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 adaptability. If you go from
one
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company
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 to another frequently, you might come across various environments. For
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 example, in
one
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company
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 you have to
work
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 from 8 a.
m
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. to 3 p.
m
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. ,
while
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 in another from 11 a.
m
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. to 9 p.
m
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..
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 In
this
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 case, you will need to adapt your schedule to
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 environment, which will influence your
adapting
Replace the word
adaptation
 skills in
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 way.
Furthermore
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, these changes
also
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 enhance your communication skills because new
work
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 you with new
people
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. So, in order to become part of the group, you have to make a good first impression and
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 relationships with others, which push you to improve your communication abilities.
To sum up
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, I think that
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work
Replace the word
working
 in different organisations provides
people
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 with more benefits than
log-term
Correct your spelling
long-term
 occupation in
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You wrote both views, but the first side is shorter and less clear.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the middle too, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use more clear support for each main idea. Add one more simple reason or result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link very smoothly. Use clear link words like first, also, however, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part and explain it step by step.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
The second body part has clear examples about time and new people at work.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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