IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

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The line graph illustrates the
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 about the
Use synonyms
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US from 1960
and
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2020.        
Overall
Linking Words
,
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
 maintained marginal growth
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it showed a minor downward trend.
Meanwhile
Punctuation problem
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of retail
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 healthcare represented
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 increase;
however
Linking Words
,
in the digits of
Correct word order
the numbers in
show examples
 agriculture can be seen quiet fell over the period.       In
1960
Punctuation problem
1960,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of jobs in
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
 accounted for 15 million, but in the 1980s, it experienced an upward trend, reaching its peak at 20
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
,
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
 showed a decline, and by 2020,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 had dropped to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nearly 13
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.        In
contrats
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 1960 the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of retail and agriculture were at the same level, but
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 diverged
at the year of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1980, where they showed 10 million and 5 million, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 agriculture remained stable and decreased
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 3
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 in 2020, the
Use synonyms
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of retail showed a subsequent increase over the 60 year period. Healthcare started at approximately 3
milliom
Correct your spelling
million
 jobs, it showed a considerable increase, and by 2020, it had the same rate as retail, accounting
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 just over 15
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words numbers, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sector
  • economy
  • trend
  • implication
  • workforce
  • significantly
  • contrast
  • speculate
  • influence
  • reflection
  • demand
  • challenges
  • implications
  • findings
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