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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar charts show the percentage of workers in three sectors in four countries in 1980 and 2010.

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The given bar charts provide information about the percentages of employees in 3
sectors
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
agriculture
Use synonyms
,
industry
Use synonyms
, and
services
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 4 countries, between 1980 and 2010,
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 recorded the smallest figure in 3 countries, it surpassed all
sectors
Use synonyms
 in China. Observing in detail, in 1980, the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was represented by
agriculture
Use synonyms
, accounting for around 8%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who work in
industry
Use synonyms
 constituted 60%, employees who worked in the
services
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 accounted for 50%, in Germany. There was an increase in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of individuals who were employed in
agriculture
Use synonyms
, representing 10%. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in the industrial and
services
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 showed a similar index, making up 50% , in the USA. The figure for workers in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and
industry
Use synonyms
 fields remained stable, representing 10% and 50%, respectively, in Japan. In China, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who work in an agricultural field exceeded all other
sectors
Use synonyms
, constituting 70%. The difference between the figures for
industry
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
 was 10%. Turning to 2010, there was a huge difference between the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and
industry
Use synonyms
, making up 5% and 80%, respectively. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of workers in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 service
sector
Use synonyms
 accounted for 40%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in Germany. There was no change in the
rate
Use synonyms
 of agricultural and service.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the industrial
sector
Use synonyms
 decreased to 70% in the USA. There was an increase in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in agricultural and industrial fields, making up 10% and 80%, respectively. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of the
services
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 declined to 30%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in Japan. The variation between thhe figure for individuals employed at agricultual and industrial
sectors
Use synonyms
 was 10%. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in
services
Use synonyms
 fell to 20% in China.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, agriculture, industry, services, people, percentage, sector, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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