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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether primary and secondary
school
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students
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 should have two months or more of
summer
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holidays
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the value of long
school
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holidays
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 and explain why some
people
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 support shorter
school
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holidays
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.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 believe that long
summer
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holidays
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 greatly benefit
students
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 because they can take a break from demanding academic subjects,
such
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 as mathematics, science, and languages.
This
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 is very important because relaxation helps
students
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 concentrate better before getting back to
school
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. Another advantage is that
students
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 are more likely to gain a deeper understanding of their own interests because they have enough time to develop hobbies during
summer
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holidays
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.
As a result
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,
students
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 have sufficient time to recharge their energy and pay attention to developing individual hobbies, which helps them lead balanced lives and maintain mental health.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that shorter
summer
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holidays
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 are beneficial for
students
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 because they keep
students
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 in a regular learning routine, which makes it easier for them to maintain their academic performance. Another reason is that shorter
holidays
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 can make life easier for working parents, especially as two-income families have become more common in modern society, because they cannot stay home to look after their children during long
holidays
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.
Therefore
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, parents may need to pay for childcare or ask relatives for help.
To sum up
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, some
people
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 believe that long
holidays
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 should be provided in primary and secondary schools because they enable
students
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 to take a break and develop new hobbies,
while
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 others consider that shorter
holidays
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 can help
students
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 maintain academic performance and reduce parents' burden.

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task response
Answer both parts a bit more fully. Your ideas are clear, but they are still general.
task response
Add one real or clear example for each main side. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your main ideas one step more. Say not only what happens, but also why this matters.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking is basic. Try to vary words like 'another' and 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear main idea, but support can be deeper and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Keep building smooth links between sentences so each point grows more naturally.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your position stays clear from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is good and easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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