IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Is often argued that the most important purpose of
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 is improving
human's
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human
show examples
 lives.In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
science
Use synonyms
 can be very harmful for individuals if
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 used in the wrong way. The primary
resaon i
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reason I
 support
this
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 claim is that
science
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 nowadays has become extremely
developped
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developed
 to a point that sometimes be harmful.To elaborate, numerous people use the technology unethically .
For instance
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, the new generation AI that can think and act like a real human and take full access of
individuals
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individuals'
show examples
 computers
whithout
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without
 their
permession
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permission
 and has full control of their data
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is very dangerous .
Therefore
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, humans must be very aware of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 risk of using technolgy in bad purposes since AI has become a matter of real concern considering its development over the years.
Furthermore
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, another significant factor is using
science
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 to disturb the human peace
which
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, which
show examples
 is the most crucial aspect
about
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of
show examples
 modern
science
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. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen when countries in war use nuclear bombs or
hight
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highly
 developed weapons to destroy other districts
and
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, and
show examples
this
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considered
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is considered
show examples
 to be the dark side of technology.
As a result
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, citezens life will be endangered
so
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, so
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 I strongly believe that
science
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 should be there to improve
humans
Replace the word
human
 life
not
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, not
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 destroying it
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such
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, such
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 as solving their problems and saving their life and
this
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 eximplified in the robots and machines in
hospitlas
Correct your spelling
hospitals
 or AIs that advise people and help them with their issues. In conclusion, I firmly agree that
science
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 must aim only for making people's lives better
due to
Linking Words
 the deep impact that technology can
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
 if
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 used wrongly or
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other purposes.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. Say clearly why science should improve life, not only why bad use is dangerous.
task response
Add one more clear idea about how science helps people, such as health, food, or travel.
task response
Explain each example more. Show how the example supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences. Split them into two or three short sentences so your meaning is clear.
task response
You gave a clear opinion and kept it to the end.
task response
You used examples like AI, war, and hospitals to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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